Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I love having hate sex.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
