went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She bit a glass in half.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
