Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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