you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
