You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
