I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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