I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
