I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You're a waste of cheezeits
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
