I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
