K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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