Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
