just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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