so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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