I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
