I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize