I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize