i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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