I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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