Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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