Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
