when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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