i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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