4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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