Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
