I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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