If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
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On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I supernannyed him into submission
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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