I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's blow job season.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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