It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
