good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
