it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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