What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
