were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
