i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
