Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
