Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
