normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
