Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
