Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
