I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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