yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
