i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
