I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
