I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
