Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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