we're chasing vodka with high fives
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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