she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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