Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
