i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
