The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
