I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
