Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
