Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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