His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
