I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
