Welp...herpes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
