it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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