Can i not drive my cunt home
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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