ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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