office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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