he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
