He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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