even my farts smell like vagina
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You left your phone here
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