i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
worst night to have a conscience
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
