god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
