I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just high enough for therapy.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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